How to Write Your Wedding Vows (Without Pressure or Perfection)
If the words “write your vows” fill you with excitement, that is wonderful.
And if they make your heart race a little, you are certainly not alone.
For many people, vow writing feels vulnerable. These are words that matter. Words that will be spoken aloud, remembered, and felt. So it’s natural to think you need to get them right.
But here is the truth:
The most powerful vows are never the most polished ones.
They are the most honest. Real. Authentic. From the heart.
Before you try to write anything, take a moment to remember why you are here.
To feel into the magic of your connection and the commitment you are choosing — to seal your love and name it aloud.
You might reflect on:
- When you first felt safe with your partner
- A moment that made you think, this is my person
- How life feels different because they are in it
Rather than trying to capture everything, tune into the felt sense of your relationship and your unique love story as it is being lived.
You don’t need to say it all. One or two true reflections are more than enough.
Write like you speak
Your vows don’t need to sound formal, poetic, or “wedding-like”.
They should sound like you.
If you wouldn’t say it in real life, don’t write it down. Simple words land deeply. Natural language carries truth.
Imagine you’re speaking just to your partner — not to a room full of people.
And while the internet is full of inspiration (and it can be helpful to read examples), let them be just that … inspiration. Borrow ideas if they spark something, but resist the urge to compare. Your vows don’t need to sound like anyone else’s to be meaningful.
Keep it short — this is a gift to yourself
One minute is perfect. Two minutes is plenty.
Short vows are often easier to deliver calmly, especially if you’re feeling emotional or a little shy. You’re not there to tell your whole story — you’re there to make promises.
A gentle structure that works
If structure helps you feel steady, try this:
-
A few lines of love or gratitude
What you value, admire, or cherish about your partner. -
What this partnership means to you
How life together feels, or what marriage represents to you. -
Your promises
Choose one, two, or three promises you truly intend to live by.
That’s it.
Promises matter more than poetry
Vows are not just expressions of love — they are commitments.
The most meaningful promises are often simple:
- To show up
- To listen
- To choose kindness
- To keep growing together
- To return to each other when life gets hard
You don’t need big words. You need true ones.
It’s okay to be nervous
If your voice shakes, if you need to pause, if tears come — all of that is welcome.
You can take a moment to breathe.
You can look at your partner.
You can smile.
You are not performing.
You are speaking from the heart.
Reading from a card is completely fine. Practising once or twice is helpful — but there’s no need to memorise or perfect.
A note on the legal words in New Zealand
In New Zealand, marriage law requires that each of you also speaks a short legal declaration during the ceremony — for example:
“I, [full name], take you, [full name], to be my wife / husband / partner.”
This doesn’t need to feel stiff or separate. The legal words can be:
- repeated after your celebrant, or
- woven into your personal vows
Keep them private, if you wish
Many couples choose to keep their vows a surprise from each other until the ceremony. If that feels right for you, it’s absolutely okay.
You can share them privately with your celebrant for reassurance or gentle feedback — or keep them entirely to yourself.
Trust that what you write will be enough
You don’t need to impress anyone.
You don’t need to sound like anyone else.
You don’t need to be “good at writing”.
You simply need to be honest.
Because when vows are real, they land.
And when two people choose each other — again and again — the words don’t need to be perfect.
They just need to be true.